It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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