Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
