She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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