And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
