He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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