remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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