I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
