The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
