Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
