doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
