No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
