the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
