ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
this is an emotional support booty call
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
