the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
