You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
