i jhust puked up my retainher.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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