just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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