uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
