He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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