My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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