I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
