Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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