6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
