we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
