Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
