Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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