The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
