Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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