I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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