I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
