Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
