Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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