Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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