I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
