you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
50% drunk capacity currently
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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