We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
