Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
