remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
