$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
