I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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