she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
