I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
