so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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