I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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