I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
