$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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