This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
