So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
