Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
