Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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