upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
