So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
