when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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