His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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