Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
