the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
