Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
